


Vintage Misery

by VileVenom



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Desert Bluffs, Fluff, Goddess-in-green's headcanon DB!carlos, Hopeful Ending, Improvised weapons, M/M, Violence, this is also their eldritch au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-04 10:31:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1079938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VileVenom/pseuds/VileVenom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caesar had fallen through some sort of buzzing portal. Which, he supposed, saved his life. Except, he’d wound up landing at the feet of Strex’s CEO. Who had been after him for some time to use Kevin for their plans. Not that he would ever let them. Kevin was not a toy for them to play with as they pleased, and he would be damned sure the furthest they got was to force him to read their stupid propaganda on air.</p><p>But, something was different in the eyes of the CEO as Caesar gathered himself off the floor and brushed dust off of his pants.</p><p>"Sorry about that," he stated briskly, straightening his collar, "I’ll be out of your way momentarily."</p><p>"Oh," the CEO had hummed, a strange, wide grin on his face, "I think you shall."</p><p>The next thing Caesar remembered was a sharp pain in the side of his neck, and then darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vintage Misery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CaariOsamu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaariOsamu/gifts).



> Gift fic for Carro (Goddess-in-Green/Caariosamu) on tumblr.  
> I love their Kevin and Caesar head canons, but I don't like that they were sad.  
> So I wrote fix-it fic!
> 
> I'm hoping the end isn't too smooshy, and/or OOC from the rest of it. I wrote it half distracted, unfortunately.

Caesar gasped as he breached the surface of his tank. Globs of gelatinous stasis gel dripped from his hair as he struggled to pull himself from the tank. Gel he’d helped develop himself, for Strex, in the very labs he found himself waking up in.

He grunted as he finally fell to the floor, his legs still partially numb from being submerged in the gel. He somehow managed to push himself up onto his forearms, spitting a small amount of the goo from his mouth as he looked around. The whole lab seemed to be in disuse. Dust covered most of the surfaces, and the panel for his tank’s controls was blinking on and off. Something had short circuited the board. He looked around, finding that some of the cords underneath the main tank looked to be chewed on. Something had gotten into the building and tried to snack on Strex equipment. And if the little pile of ash next to the chewed wires was any indication, it was obviously unsuccessful.

To a degree, at any rate. Caesar was more than grateful for whatever little monstrosity had ended its life so that he may yet get to continue his own. The last thing he could recall was falling.

He’d had a fight with his double, during a sandstorm, and then he’d fallen. He groaned as he clutched at his head, his mind sluggishly supplying him with the events thereafter.

He’d fallen through some sort of buzzing portal. Which, he supposed, saved his life. Except, he’d wound up landing at the feet of Strex’s CEO. Who had been after him for some time to use Kevin for their plans. Not that he would ever let them. Kevin was not a toy for them to play with as they pleased, and he would be damned sure the furthest they got was to force him to read their stupid propaganda on air.

But, something was different in the eyes of the CEO as Caesar gathered himself off the floor and brushed dust off of his pants.

"Sorry about that," he stated briskly, straightening his collar, "I’ll be out of your way momentarily."

"Oh," the CEO had hummed, a strange, wide grin on his face, "I think you shall."

The next thing Caesar remembered was a sharp pain in the side of his neck, and then darkness.

He gathered from there that they had used his apparent disappearance to bend Kevin to their will. He was the last and only standing defense between his beloved and the corporation, so it only stood to reason. The question was, however, why had they kept him alive? Was it for insurance? It would make sense. After all, Caesar might have been the only person that would be able to talk sense back into Kevin, should he ever lose control. And that was a strong possibility if Strex managed to do what they wished with his Kevin. It would also explain the amount of dust on everything in the lab. They stuck him in a stasis tank for safe keeping, and kept him hidden away so no one but the board of directors would know he was even there. So Kevin would lose hope, thinking he was lost to the storm, and follow their lead.

He scowled as he shoved himself up, using a lab table to balance himself as he moved. There would be hell to pay for this.

~

It took time, but Caesar’s body finally began to cooperate with him. He wiped most of the stasis gel from his body, and found a discarded lab coat to pull around his body. They’d stuck him in the stasis tank in not but a pair of boxer shorts, as full skin contact was the most effective way for the gel to work. He shuddered to think of anyone but his beloved undressing him.

He buttoned up the coat and stole around the lab, looking for something, anything, he could use to defend himself, as he would inevitably need to do.

He eventually found a flint spark lighter and a can of air freshener that seemed to be ancient. A quick test confirmed, however, that the aerosol was still flammable, and that was all he cared about. He also managed to find several scalpels, a jar of dissection needles, and a couple of small vials of hydrochloric acid. Why they’d left unstable chemicals there, he had no idea, but he guessed it had something to do with the board needing a lab, and needing it quick.

He pocketed the array of improvised weapons he’d managed to gather, before glaring down the door that stood between him and his freedom. Once it was taken down, if the alarms hadn’t been disabled to keep people away, he would be swamped with Strex security.

He swallowed thickly, and yanked the security panel off the wall, working at the wires inside to unlock the doors.

~

Caesar peered out the newly opened doors, cringing as he shoved them open the last few inches he needed to be able to fit through them. They seemed to be in disrepair, the gears in the walls that functioned to pull them open squealed and stuck when he had finally managed to jury-rig the the doors open.

Despite the noise, it seemed that no one had been alerted to his awakening. There wasn’t a single soul to be seen as he stepped out into the dimly lit hall, his bare feet sticking every now and then to the tiles as he walked, due to drying stasis gel still stuck to his skin. It was strange, he thought, for so few people to be stationed anywhere near his ‘prison’, as it were. He would have thought that Strex would be more invested in keeping him locked away.

Once he hit the main floors, of course, he was proven right. The first guard who saw him immediately grabbed for his walkie-talkie, and Caesar soon found himself running down the halls after he’d set the security officer aflame. Only two other guards had managed to find out where he was so far, and were only a hallway away, encumbered as they were by heavy boots, bullet proof vests, and the like.

He nearly fell as he skidded around a corner, having to change directions away from the front lobby doors, as more security officers had swarmed, an alarm in the building going off. A code 234. Specimen loose. Caesar grit his teeth and made for the stair well.

He was out of shape, he knew, when he was wheezing by the fourth flight of stairs. His muscles ached and his lungs were beginning to burn. Which seemed about right, given he’d never been the most physical of people before he was put into stasis, and his muscles should have atrophied only minimally during his time asleep. He was glad he’d made sure of that fact while developing the gel, before they’d shoved him into it.

He glanced down the stairs to find his dawdling had allowed a couple of the guards to gain on him, a mere two flights down from him now. He cursed and continued on, ignoring the way his body protested.

He slammed open the door to the top floor of the Strex building, throwing his vials of acid at the first few guards that stood in his way, earning a lovely distraction as they flailed and fell into the others, clearing him a path to his new destination.

He shoved a scalpel into the neck of the next guard who nearly tripped him up, before he was finally able to burst into the CEO’s office, where he and the board of directors were apparently in a meeting.

Caesar paid them little mind as he barricaded the door with a chair, after slamming the locks closed. It wouldn’t buy him much time, but it was enough. He turned with a manic grin to the startled faces of the six men in the room.

"Ah, Caesar," the CEO finally said, his voice dripping with sickly sweet venom, "It would appear you’re finally awake."

"It would appear that you were the ones to put me to sleep in the first place," Caesar bit out, ignoring the pounding from the other side of the door.

"Only because we felt it necessary," the CEO stated, addressing Caesar like an infant that needed coddling. "You were under duress and stress. We felt that you might benefit from some rest."

"You just wanted me out of the way so you could get to Kevin," Caesar spat in return, his fingers curling around the scalpels in his pocket.

"Well, it certainly helped," the CEO snorted, finally giving up the ghost as his face twisted with a grin. "And what do you plan on doing now, Caesar? Jump from a twenty story window in hopes of surviving? You’re not going to get out of this building. And if you do, it won’t be alive."

"Neither will you," Caesar hissed, pulling his scalpels from his pockets and taking the first two directors closest to him off guard as he plunged the knives into neck and shoulder, respectively, before jumping up onto the table, and yanking the jar of needles from his pocket. He threw the lid at the first director who jumped at him, dazing them as it smacked them in the face, before he began to throw the needles at the remaining three directors. One had three sticking out of his cheeks on the floor, while another was wailing as he scrambles to pull them from his chest. The third had gotten one in the eye, and was laying unmoving on the floor.

Caesar smirked as he advanced on the CEO, who was backing away from him slowly, the pounding on the door of the meeting room increasing, cracks appearing in the heavy wood.

"Now, Caesar," the CEO scoffed, pressed back against the paneled windows of the room, "You’ll never get out of here if you kill me. They’ll break down the door, and shoot you before you can take two steps."

"I’m well aware of that," Caesar snorted, pulling his final scalpel from his pocket.

~

Caesar rolled his eyes as the CEO struggled in his grip as they descended to the lobby in the elevator. It had been all too easy to restrain the man, given his smaller stature. And once the door was broken down, it was even easier to flip the CEO in his hold and bring the scalpel up to his neck and threaten to slit his throat if he wasn’t let out of the building without fuss.

"You’re a dead man walking, Santiago," the CEO hissed, trying and failing to pull out of Caesar’s hold around his neck.

"Probably," Caesar stated bluntly, yanking the CEO out of the elevator once they hit the lobby, "But not for a little while, at least."

He backed towards the front doors, keeping a sharp eye on the guards stationed around the lobby, inching the blade ever closer to the CEO’s neck any time someone stepped closer to him.

"Call me a car," he snapped at one of the receptionists, who hesitated until the CEO nodded at her. He tilted his head as he heard the engine of the car pull up to the front doors, pulling the CEO along with him as he pushed through the doors and out onto the street.

"Leave the keys in the ignition, and the engine running," he instructed the young man who’d driven the car up, watching as he scrambled to the doors of the building. He continued to back up until his hip hit the frame of the car, and he glanced back to find the car blessedly empty.

"It’s been a slice," Caesar cooed into the ear of the CEO, who took the opportunity to curse Caesar’s name. "Sounds about right," he hummed, nodding as he was told to go to hell. "I’ll see you there," he added, before dragging the blade across the CEO’s throat, shoving his body away and ducking into the car. He slammed the door shut and sped away, knowing the scramble to try and save the CEO would buy him enough time to get to where he needed to go. It wouldn’t be much, but he hoped it would be enough.

~

Caesar ditched the car once he was halfway to the apartment building Kevin resided in, not wanting to draw copious amounts of attention to himself when he went to find his boyfriend. It was difficult enough to sneak around Desert Bluffs, he didn’t need a shining red beacon.

He stopped only once in his mad dash to get to Kevin, hazarding to duck into a clothing store to snag a pair of pants and a shirt, before continuing on. He didn’t particularly want to be reunited with his love in nothing but a lab coat and boxer shorts. His lack of shoes was a moot point. He could live without shoes.

He hastily pulled on the clothes in an alley near the apartment complex, debating on ditching the lab coat, before shrugging and pulling it on over his clothes. If anything, it at least still had the flint lighter in its pocket, which might prove useful, and didn’t fit in the pocket of his pants.

He moved to the edge of the alley, peering out towards the apartment complex, eyes searching the windows until they landed on the one he knew to be his Kevin’s. He licked his lips and let out a short breath, about to step out onto the sidewalk and head across the street, when a familiar laugh caught his attention.

He flicked his gaze back down the street, shifting into the shadow of the building as two figures moved up the street towards the apartment complex. And there he was. His dearest Kevin. Smiling, and walking arm in arm with another man.

He openly stared as they walked up to the building, Kevin laughing as he released the man he was walking with, patting down his pockets. The other held up a hand and dug into his pocket, offering up a set of keys, which Kevin took while pressing a kiss to the other’s forehead. Caesar shrank back into the alley, hand moving to press over his heart.

How long had he been gone? Was that man-no, boy, he couldn’t be older than twenty- Strex’s solution to controlling Kevin? Because he wouldn’t let them use Kevin like a tool, they replaced him with someone who would.

He sucked in a shuddering breath. Or, he could just be overreacting. Perhaps Kevin had simply moved on, since the state of the lab he’d woken up in told him he’d been gone for quite a long time. He leaned against the building for support, watching Kevin, stroke his fingers through the young man’s hair, smiling so softly. Like he used to give to Caesar.

He sighed, rubbing at the ache in his chest, before pushing off the wall. Even if Kevin had moved on, he still needed to see him. To let him know he hadn’t just up and left him without word. He deserved closure.

Caesar took another quick look up and down the street to make sure the coast was still clear, before bolting out across the road, and coming to a stop at the edge of the apartment building. Kevin was fiddling with the front doors, while the young man watched on with a bemused smile on his face. Caesar cleared his throat, only gaining the attention of the young man as he slowly approached.

"Can I help you?" the young man asked, tilting his head, Caesar taking note of the third eye that sat prominently on the boy’s forehead.

"I just wanted to talk to Kevin," Caesar said with a carefully even tone, not wanting to betray the heartbreak he felt at being so close to his beloved, and knowing he was not going to get him back.

"Oh. A fan?" the young man asked with a grin, brushing hair out of his face, "Dad? Hey, here. Let me try at the door. It likes me better, anyway."

Dad? Caesar blinked, staring at the young man as he stepped up behind Kevin and took the keys away from him, shooing him towards Caesar. Kevin gave the door one final shake, before turning to Caesar with a wide grin.

"Odie said you were a fan?" he began, his grin slowly slipping away into a shocked ‘o’ as he realized just who stood before him. "C-caesar?"

Caesar offered Kevin a hint of a smile, still too overwhelmed by the strange swirl of emotions in his chest to offer much more. The young man was Kevin’s son. And he looked to be about nineteen, now that he was closer. He could be off, of course, but who knew. How long had he been kept in stasis?

"Hello, Kevin," Caesar said quietly, not wanting to approach, should Kevin not want him near. Who knew, with the amount of time that had seemingly passed him by.

"Oh my god, Caesar," Kevin sobbed, drawing the attention of the young man who had successfully unlocked and pulled open the apartment building door. Fat tears began to roll down Kevin’s face, a disbelieving smile on his face. "Is it really you?"

"I should hope so," Caesar stated simply, watching the boy draw closer to his father, ignoring the door as it clicked shut.

"Dad?" the young man queried, taking a protective stance while putting a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, "Are you okay? Do you want me to tell this guy to leave?"

Caesar felt somewhat affronted, before Kevin shook his head and suddenly leapt forward, wrapping his arms around Caesar’s neck, and tugging him into a tight hug. Caesar could immediately feel Kevin’s tears soaking into his shirt.

"Oh, Kevin, darling, hush," Caesar cooed, wrapping one arm around the sobbing radio hosts’ waist, while the other one soothingly stroked Kevin’s hair. "Hush now. I’m here. I’m here. I’m so sorry I was ever gone."

"I missed you. I missed you so much," Kevin wept, clinging even tighter to Caesar as his frame shook with hiccuping sobs. Caesar took note of how Kevin’s emotional regulator appeared to be offline. Perhaps more damage had been done at Strex than he thought.

"There, there, my Kevin. Shush. Perhaps we should go inside?" he looked up towards the still very confused looking young man, nodding towards the apartment building door. "If you wouldn’t mind? Your father needs something to calm him down, and I’d rather not be out in the open longer than necessary. I’m afraid there may be some rather less than pleasant people soon to be on my tail."

the young man simply nodded, his gaze trained on his father, before turning to unlock the building’s front door once again. They all shuffled inside, Kevin refusing to let go of Caesar, even as they struggled to both get through the door.

~

Once up in Kevin’s apartment, Caesar took note of the sheer amount of photos covering near every surface, all of Kevin’s son. From the time he was a toddling little baby, through his awkward teen years, right up until recently, it would seem. But not a single shot of anyone other than the two of them. He frowned lightly, intent on studying the photos, until he was practically dragged onto the couch by Kevin, who snuggled into his side like a cat. At least his crying had subsided.

"Would you mind fetching your father some tea? It would help calm his nerves," Caesar directed Kevin’s son, who nodded belatedly, and disappeared into the kitchen. "Kevin, darling," Caesar cooed once they were alone, placing a finger under the radio hosts’ chin to draw his watery gaze up so they were eye to eye, "How long have I been gone?"

"About twenty years," Kevin whispered, sniffing back tears. And Caesar could see each of those years etched onto his poor Kevin’s face. Years of child care and working for Strex would do that to a person.

He gently stroked Kevin’s face. “Have you moved on?” was the next logical question. But, it was apparently the wrong one.

Kevin’s eyes grew round and he sat up straight on the couch, gaping openly at Caesar. “No! Of course not!” he stated indignantly, before shrinking, “Why, have you?”

Caesar shook his head vehemently, cupping Kevin’s cheek in the palm of his hand. “Never. Though, have you not noticed?”

"Noticed what?" Kevin asked, confused, even as he pressed his face into Caesar’s hand.

"Kevin, darling. I haven’t aged. Not a day since I disappeared. Strex put me into stasis. I thought…I hadn’t even realized how many years had passed," Caesar admitted, letting his hand fall to his lap. "If you haven’t moved on, your son-?"

Kevin blinked, letting out a startled laugh and shaking his head. “Odie is immaculate. I haven’t been with anyone since you,” he said, grinning widely. “Only ever you.”

Caesar smiled, a pleased flush to his cheeks. “And only ever you for me,” he said, glancing up as Odie stepped back into the room, steaming mug in hand.

"Here, dad," he murmured, pressing the mug into Kevin’s hands, "Drink this."

"Thank you, Odie," Kevin hummed as he took the mug gingerly, sipping at the liquid. "Oh! He perked up after a moment of tense quiet, grinning between his son and Caesar, "Odie! This is Caesar! Caesar, Odie. I’ve showed you pictures, Odie. Do you remember?"

Odie simply shook his head, staring at Caesar oddly. “He looks just like Circe’s Papi.”

Caesar snorted, and Kevin laughed, nodding. “He does, doesn’t he?” he cooed, leaning into Caesar’s side. “Carlos is to Cecil, as Caesar is to me.”

Odie’s eyes widened for a moment, before he smiled faintly and nodded. “Ah, I see.”

Caesar smiled as he snuggled with Kevin on the couch, gently petting his beloved’s hair, his gaze soft as he looked to Kevin’s son, noting the odd little ways he almost looked to be his own son.

"Oh, I nearly forgot," Caesar hummed, kissing Kevin’s temple, "I may have incidentally destroyed the board of directors for Strex, and consequently made the company fall into chaos on my way to get back to you."

"Neat!" Kevin laughed, as sirens began to wail in the distance.


End file.
